Reflecting Time...I wish I knew

If you didn't get the gist of why I am writing this blog, it's largely because it gives me a chance to write out what I've been thinking about. Especially lately. I've been struggling in my mind with questions and confusion, but am somehow at peace with everything. Mostly.


First off...I really miss my mom. I miss my house. I miss having everything I have ever known be there for me. I miss having my dad close and frankly I kind of miss being a kid. But, we all have to grow up and move out and go to college, which I'm great with. Don't get me wrong. I love college life, but I just wish some things were different. Or a lot of things.


Something else I'm really going to miss this summer is being back up at Oakcrest. Last summer was the Greatest Summer of my LIFE, so far. And when I reapplied and went to the interview, I felt so sure that I was going to get it. I started making lists of things I wanted to try with my girls this year, and then the Saturday they called and said I wasn't going back, I was just put into shock. I didn't have a plan B and honestly I still don't, at least job wise. As I realized this past Saturday morning when I was getting ready to go watch my nephew's soccer game that the 2011 staff was going to training and I wasn't, it made me excited for them but still leaves me confused. I love all of the girls that I worked with so much, and I love my campers an incredible amount as well. I learned at Oakcrest, among many things, that we have a great capacity to love, greater than we realize, and the truly amazing thought about that is how our Heavenly Father loves us even more than that.,

Come Unto Me 3 Nephi 9:14

So as I had to decide what my plan B was going to be, I made a list of positive reasons that I am not going back to Oakcrest this summer. One of them is I think because of this person right here: my best friend in the whole world, Audrey Jojo Roper.

We met because of Oakcrest, which is another reason why that wonderful camp has blessed my life. We were both counselors and we kind of knew each other the first few weeks, I mean, we shared a mailbox for crying out loud. Ha ha! But seriously, we didn't start being really good friends until week 4 after we danced in the rain. 

The aftermath of our rain dance

Yup. The rest I think is history. There were a few times when we would talk really late around camp and look at the stars and just give encouragement to one another. That actually hasn't stopped since then, just without the amazing Oakcrest stars. Well, Jojo applied and made it in to be an EFY counselor for this summer. I didn't apply earlier because I thought I would be doing Oakcrest. Little did I know...I also have applied for EFY, but I haven't been able to get an interview yet. They just aren't hiring as many counselors unless more kids apply to go to the sessions. 

My other best friend from Oakcrest, Ninja (Courtney Johnson), is also not going back to work at camp. She doesn't know what she's doing for a job, either, so we're in the same boat right now. To sum up this reason then I suppose is that I met the people on the staff that I needed to meet this past summer, and now this summer I need to meet new people. I guess. 

I actually think that is the biggest reason for me not going back to Oakcrest this year-the people. The Lord places people in our lives in different ways. I also think He wants to give other girls the wonderful opportunity to serve Him on the OC staff, and they need to meet each other and not me. Although I keep telling myself this, and my list of other positive reasons, it hasn't made it any easier. 

I dearly love Oakcrest with all of my heart. I love what it did for me and what it does for any girl who goes there with an open heart to come closer to their Savior.

Anyway, I'll just keep hoping and praying that something is going to turn up. I've applied to several places and only one of the places has gotten back to me. I wish I knew what the Lord is planning for me. I have faith in Him, but I just have a hard time waiting. Patience in His plans and patience in His timing...it's easier said than done, as are many things. I just wish I knew what I should do.