Living in Limbo Land
Hey there!
I hope you're enjoying the new theme of my blog. I just needed something different. I have had an interesting experience since being home from my mission.
September 10 marked not only 6 months of being home, but also my "field day", or the day I left the MTC and entered the mission field. We had a long flight the night before, and I had never lived anywhere besides Utah. It was more nerve wracking leaving Utah than it was becoming a missionary.
As you know, though, I absolutely came to love the land of Tennessee, Virginia and North Carolina. Honestly, I grew to love it so much that I didn't want to leave! That proves to me that you can come to love where you're at, it just takes some time.
This actually brings me to where I've been the last 6 months. Flying back to Utah after 18 months of whole-hearted service for others has been harder than I anticipated. I missed my family and friends, so it was amazing to be with them.
- Pictures did not save properly. Stand by for edits. -
After a few weeks, the reality of being home sunk in. I wasn't a full-time missionary, I wasn't going back to Tennessee anytime soon, I was just Janessa.
And that was the most distressing feeling.
I haven't wanted to say anything about how I've really been doing because I was scared. I was scared to be completely honest because I wanted to seem strong. I wanted to prove I could do hard things. But the reality is.... I've been a mess.
After the first three weeks, I finally felt less awkward. Yes, I've been really "RM awkward" as many call it. And even 6 months of "RM life", I still feel awkward in certain situations.
What's been the hardest, though, is not knowing what I'm doing. I came home and expected Heavenly Father to just show me exactly where to get a job, when to apply, what to say in the interview, and frankly that He would give my "dream job" right at the start.
NONE of that happened. At least not at first.
I started applying for jobs, had several interviews, but they weren't jobs I wanted to start my professional career with. So I kept searching, substitute taught till the end of the school year, and then it was summer. I wanted to work with BASEcamp (Click here to read previous blog posts about it) and so I did! I also worked at Time to Blossom, a Young Women's conference in Mesa, AZ. Between these two opportunities, I traveled almost all summer. And I LOVED it!
But after all of my travels.... I had to get back to reality...which for me was finding a "real" job. Good grief, people, it's been hard finding a job. I applied to tons of places, heard back from very few of them, interviewed at some, and just continued to wonder what the Lord's plan for me was.
I've literally felt like I've been in "limbo land" for the last 6 months. I haven't really known where I was going to live, for part of the time, when I would move, where I would work... I just didn't know. And this made me feel like a part of identity was gone. I couldn't easily tell someone who I was without my nametag anymore, and I was supposed to go into interviews confidently. That was a struggle, my friends. I literally felt like I was in limbo...unsure of what I was doing, of where I was in my life, of who I was. It's not the most comfortable place to live, "limbo land".
Thankfully, the Lord is so good to us. He is SO GOOD to us. He knows what we need more than we know what we need. He knows how to help us beyond how we think we need help.
I moved to South Jordan in August not knowing exactly where I would work, but I knew that I loved the girls I was moving in with. I had visited the singles ward a few times and knew church would be a good place. That was all I knew.
In the midst of my interviews, I received a job offer to work at a restaurant in Draper. It wasn't ideal, but it was something to help me financially and to keep me busy. While I was there, I was still interviewing at different places like crazy. And that's when the blessings started pouring in.
I received a job offer at a call center that was going to pay well, full time hours, and had benefits. I knew I needed to talk to my current employer to let them know, and so I said I needed to wait. That night I got a message from a previous supervisor asking if I was still looking for a job. He told me it was to work on a social media campaign at UVU. I told him I was interested in learning more. I received an email the next morning from one of his friends. We talked and he told me more about the work, and I met with the department we would be working with. The next thing I knew, I was offered work doing social media management with the School of the Arts.
It gets better. The next week I had two more interviews at different call centers where I received offers at BOTH! I went from having no one wanting to hire me anywhere, to having to choose between five jobs (including the one I was already at). Needless to say I took some time to pray and ponder about my decision.
After much deliberation, I decided that, for me personally and professionally, it would be best to work at UVU as a social media manager and at Young Living Essential Oils in their member services call center. It's a lot of hours and a lot of craziness, but out of all of my decisions, I know that it's what I need to be doing right now.
I'm still looking for the right balance to everything. But the best advice I've received since I've been home has helped me in many situations including this one: You are still new to this. As a missionary, we are "greenies", or new, to the mission field technically for 12 weeks. That is how long missionaries are trained for. I was also told it takes 6 weeks to adjust to any new change in your life, which was a transfer as missionaries. 6 weeks is only a month and a half. On average it takes us a month and a half to adjust to changes in our lives.
After I came home, I was still a "greenie" to RM life. I was still new and learning how to be a successful return missionary, just like it took me time to learn how to be a successful missionary. Now I'm adjusting to my new work schedule and lifestyle. I'm still new to this part of my life.
Honestly I still feel like a "greenie" to RM life, but the great part about the Gospel is that we're always learning and improving. I'm always going to look for ways to be better. I just need to give myself more credit for trying. We all do.
So that's the update on my life. It's okay if things aren't good in your life because it will get better. The Lord takes trials to make us stronger. It's just a matter of us not letting it get us down while we're in the midst of it, which I struggle with sometimes. I struggled with it in "limbo land". I honestly felt so low and so down... I felt like I was experiencing PMSD: Post mission stress disorder. Or post mission depression. One of the two. That hasn't been the most pleasant thing by a long shot.
BUT because of this, I do know that it gets better. As long as we are trying to do our best, He is here to help us. Even when we don't feel like we can do much, His grace is sufficient to help us. We just have to be willing to let Him help us. Sometimes He lets us hurt for awhile...growing pains come when we're being stretched. In the end they help us grow into better people, into the people He wants us to become. I had to, and continually have to, remind myself of this.
I am so grateful for His love, grace, and mercy. I'm grateful that He knew before I did what would be coming for me. It really was just a matter of timing and me being patient to wait for His blessings.
I hope you're enjoying the new theme of my blog. I just needed something different. I have had an interesting experience since being home from my mission.
September 10 marked not only 6 months of being home, but also my "field day", or the day I left the MTC and entered the mission field. We had a long flight the night before, and I had never lived anywhere besides Utah. It was more nerve wracking leaving Utah than it was becoming a missionary.
As you know, though, I absolutely came to love the land of Tennessee, Virginia and North Carolina. Honestly, I grew to love it so much that I didn't want to leave! That proves to me that you can come to love where you're at, it just takes some time.
This actually brings me to where I've been the last 6 months. Flying back to Utah after 18 months of whole-hearted service for others has been harder than I anticipated. I missed my family and friends, so it was amazing to be with them.
- Pictures did not save properly. Stand by for edits. -
After a few weeks, the reality of being home sunk in. I wasn't a full-time missionary, I wasn't going back to Tennessee anytime soon, I was just Janessa.
And that was the most distressing feeling.
I haven't wanted to say anything about how I've really been doing because I was scared. I was scared to be completely honest because I wanted to seem strong. I wanted to prove I could do hard things. But the reality is.... I've been a mess.
After the first three weeks, I finally felt less awkward. Yes, I've been really "RM awkward" as many call it. And even 6 months of "RM life", I still feel awkward in certain situations.
What's been the hardest, though, is not knowing what I'm doing. I came home and expected Heavenly Father to just show me exactly where to get a job, when to apply, what to say in the interview, and frankly that He would give my "dream job" right at the start.
NONE of that happened. At least not at first.
I started applying for jobs, had several interviews, but they weren't jobs I wanted to start my professional career with. So I kept searching, substitute taught till the end of the school year, and then it was summer. I wanted to work with BASEcamp (Click here to read previous blog posts about it) and so I did! I also worked at Time to Blossom, a Young Women's conference in Mesa, AZ. Between these two opportunities, I traveled almost all summer. And I LOVED it!
But after all of my travels.... I had to get back to reality...which for me was finding a "real" job. Good grief, people, it's been hard finding a job. I applied to tons of places, heard back from very few of them, interviewed at some, and just continued to wonder what the Lord's plan for me was.
I've literally felt like I've been in "limbo land" for the last 6 months. I haven't really known where I was going to live, for part of the time, when I would move, where I would work... I just didn't know. And this made me feel like a part of identity was gone. I couldn't easily tell someone who I was without my nametag anymore, and I was supposed to go into interviews confidently. That was a struggle, my friends. I literally felt like I was in limbo...unsure of what I was doing, of where I was in my life, of who I was. It's not the most comfortable place to live, "limbo land".
Thankfully, the Lord is so good to us. He is SO GOOD to us. He knows what we need more than we know what we need. He knows how to help us beyond how we think we need help.
In the midst of my interviews, I received a job offer to work at a restaurant in Draper. It wasn't ideal, but it was something to help me financially and to keep me busy. While I was there, I was still interviewing at different places like crazy. And that's when the blessings started pouring in.
I received a job offer at a call center that was going to pay well, full time hours, and had benefits. I knew I needed to talk to my current employer to let them know, and so I said I needed to wait. That night I got a message from a previous supervisor asking if I was still looking for a job. He told me it was to work on a social media campaign at UVU. I told him I was interested in learning more. I received an email the next morning from one of his friends. We talked and he told me more about the work, and I met with the department we would be working with. The next thing I knew, I was offered work doing social media management with the School of the Arts.
It gets better. The next week I had two more interviews at different call centers where I received offers at BOTH! I went from having no one wanting to hire me anywhere, to having to choose between five jobs (including the one I was already at). Needless to say I took some time to pray and ponder about my decision.
After much deliberation, I decided that, for me personally and professionally, it would be best to work at UVU as a social media manager and at Young Living Essential Oils in their member services call center. It's a lot of hours and a lot of craziness, but out of all of my decisions, I know that it's what I need to be doing right now.
I'm still looking for the right balance to everything. But the best advice I've received since I've been home has helped me in many situations including this one: You are still new to this. As a missionary, we are "greenies", or new, to the mission field technically for 12 weeks. That is how long missionaries are trained for. I was also told it takes 6 weeks to adjust to any new change in your life, which was a transfer as missionaries. 6 weeks is only a month and a half. On average it takes us a month and a half to adjust to changes in our lives.
After I came home, I was still a "greenie" to RM life. I was still new and learning how to be a successful return missionary, just like it took me time to learn how to be a successful missionary. Now I'm adjusting to my new work schedule and lifestyle. I'm still new to this part of my life.
Honestly I still feel like a "greenie" to RM life, but the great part about the Gospel is that we're always learning and improving. I'm always going to look for ways to be better. I just need to give myself more credit for trying. We all do.
So that's the update on my life. It's okay if things aren't good in your life because it will get better. The Lord takes trials to make us stronger. It's just a matter of us not letting it get us down while we're in the midst of it, which I struggle with sometimes. I struggled with it in "limbo land". I honestly felt so low and so down... I felt like I was experiencing PMSD: Post mission stress disorder. Or post mission depression. One of the two. That hasn't been the most pleasant thing by a long shot.
BUT because of this, I do know that it gets better. As long as we are trying to do our best, He is here to help us. Even when we don't feel like we can do much, His grace is sufficient to help us. We just have to be willing to let Him help us. Sometimes He lets us hurt for awhile...growing pains come when we're being stretched. In the end they help us grow into better people, into the people He wants us to become. I had to, and continually have to, remind myself of this.I am so grateful for His love, grace, and mercy. I'm grateful that He knew before I did what would be coming for me. It really was just a matter of timing and me being patient to wait for His blessings.
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